Phantom Period
Posted by Robin DonovanAdmit it. You women who haven’t hit menopause yet are jealous that I never have a period. You should be – it’s awesome! I never have to worry about my white pants. I never have to think about running out of a meeting because I might be leaking. I don’t get cramps. I don’t plot to murder my co-workers the week before it all hits. I don’t have to look for sales and buy a zillion tampons and sanitary napkins. And I DON’T have to wear a tampon WITH a sanitary napkin – god that was the worst! It’s true. I have it better than you!
I remember the day when I went through the house and jettisoned every “women’s sanitary product” that I had. It was AWESOME. I still had full boxes of tons of stuff. At first I felt guilty because it seemed so wasteful, but then, duh – I donated all of the full boxes to charity. Then I bagged all of the open boxes and went around giving them to friends. I did get some really weird looks – but who cares! It felt GREAT! I remember thinking I’d better keep a few tampons in case of a house guest emergency – but that killed me. I wanted everything out!
It makes sense – right? After years of putting up with the mess and inconvenience – not to mention the bone crushing pain (for many years I had severe cramping) I was finally free. Menopause rocks (in some ways)!
Here’s a bizarre thing, though. I have, on occasion, experienced odd sensations that I have come to think of as a phantom period. Usually I’m just going about my business and I experience a slight bit of pressure in my lower abdomen which makes me think – Oh, it’s coming. And then there’s a moment of shock when I realize – Wow, I don’t get those anymore. It’s the weirdest thing because my brain is triggered to assign certain sensations as “period connected recognition” (I just made that up but I think it sounds very official) and menopause hasn’t deprogrammed them. You know what’s even weirder – after each jolting revelation that there will be no period coming – there is a momentary feeling of ennui and loss before I snap to my senses and count my menopausal blessings. Wow, I’ve never admitted that to anyone before.
Hit me if you want but I never hated “my period”. I loved to curl up with a good book and relax. No pain – for me that is. My husband said if menopause was anything like the week before my period he was going to shoot himself.
I don’t miss my period at all! I didn’t have a hysterectomy. I was perimenopausal when I ended up with breast cancer and a cyst on my ovary. My gyno took out my ovaries because sometimes breast cancer and ovarian cancer are connected – it was just a precaution. So between the chemo and then the loss of the ovaries, I never had a period again. Yay! I donated all my sanitary napkins and tampons to the girls in my office. And when the younger co-workers tell me they think they are starting menopause, I tell them that’s wonderful. I seem to be doing all right with menopause. The night sweats have subsided and all I am left with is an occasional hot flash. The hot flashes are more frequent when I drink red wine. And I love red wine!
Robin,
I’ve been inundated with visitors from California staying with us for the CWS and watching a grandchild too so haven’t had a lot of spare time to read your blog until today. I like the way you use humor to reach people and how the information about meno ( as I call it) is well researched and helps make it less intimidating. I too had my unit yanked ( as I called my hysterectomy) and had real problems with regulating the HRT afterwards. I took hormones for several years until “the Study” came out . At that point I told my doctor I wanted to stop, but she said keep on taking it because “the Study” wasn’t definitive and the plusses equaled more than the minuses. When the next, even bigger, study came out ,I just told her I was quitting. Period. She didn’t hassle me at all at that point. It amazed me though how I had to go through the hot flashes and night sweats all over again. Things are fine now and it really wasn’t that bad. I count my blessings to not have to go through monthly periods anymore!
The blog is great.
I like the links…that’s one of the things that makes a good blog, in my opinion.
Judy H