Getting older is exploring uncharted territory.  So very often things that worked in your youth can’t be relied on now: like when you try to lose weight.  There are people who feel that once you hit menopause and gain weight your destiny has been sealed.  And it’s true that you can probably forget those diets that melted pounds away in your 20’s, 30’s and even 40’s – menopausal weight gain is a formidable adversary that has triumphed over even the most stalwart diet and exercise fanatic.  It is formidable – but are things hopeless?

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Being forgetful.  It becomes a big fear as you get older.  And menopause is infamous for causing “problems with concentrating” and “memory lapses.”  But does it really?  Or are we just more conscious of routine forgetfulness as we advance in years and approach menopause?  Some women even use it as a convenient catchall for the inability to focus, “Oh, don’t mind me, I’m just in menopause”, but for the rest of us it’s scary as hell.

I know I do forget things.  In fact, this morning I had to think a minute before I could remember where I’d saved this file since starting it yesterday.  But didn’t I always have that problem?  I forget.

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I really appreciate all of the wonderful feedback that I’ve received so far.  As I talk to women all over the country it’s become clear that many of you have a story that you’re anxious to tell.  And we’re anxious to hear it.  That’s why we’ve provided the “Share Your Story” link for you (use the link one the right hand side NOT as a comment on this story — comments on this story will be public) .  So that Menologues can be a conduit we can use to help one another.

If you use the link on the right hand side of the page, your story won’t appear on the newest Menologues blog.  It will be accessible only to those of us at Menologues.  We may reference a specific example anonymously, in another blog, unless you specify otherwise.  Conversely, if you are willing to share with everyone be sure to make that clear in your write up.  I will contact you directly and together we can determine how we can tell your story in a way that will make you feel comfortable and well served.  Good or bad you have had experiences that can benefit other women.  And they want the benefit of your knowledge.

If I’ve said it once I’ve said it a thousand times – we are not emotional basket cases that melt down every time someone looks at us cross-eyed during menopause.  That said, there’s some advice for husbands that just plain old makes sense throughout your marriage – and might just keep you alive during menopause.

For starters, there are the “how does this look on me” and “do I look fat in this” conversations that frequently land you on the couch with your back in spasms. We can avoid all of that unpleasantness with a few simple points to consider.   Remember, menopause occurs during a time in a woman’s life when she might be feeling somewhat vulnerable about her appearance – does she look older, perhaps heavier – none of these possibilities are making her feel confident.  Maybe menopause makes this worse or maybe it’s just the time of life – either way a little damage control could be a lifesaver.

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Admit it.  You women who haven’t hit menopause yet are jealous that I never have a period.  You should be – it’s awesome!  I never have to worry about my white pants.  I never have to think about running out of a meeting because I might be leaking.  I don’t get cramps.  I don’t plot to murder my co-workers the week before it all hits.  I don’t have to look for sales and buy a zillion tampons and sanitary napkins.  And I DON’T have to wear a tampon WITH a sanitary napkin – god that was the worst!  It’s true.  I have it better than you!

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I have the unequivocal answer to the question that everyone asks.  Will I get fat when I’m in menopause.  And the official answer is:  You might or you might not.  Helpful right?  They do tell you that weight gain is definitely something that happens to women in menopause -  but it doesn’t happen to everyone.  So far, no one has been able to tell me exactly why you gain weight.  I already know that if you had curves when you were younger you’ll probably have fuller curves as you get older.  Over time as the weight piles on the curves can fill in completely or morph you into a different and less desirable shape – don’t make me go on.  But why, in particular, is it worse during or after menopause?

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